


you've got me falling away

by Kandakicksass



Series: you burn me (i'm so cold) [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Because I apparently can't write fluff, Dysfunctional Relationships, Fair bit of angst, M/M, Unapologetic use of Pablo Neruda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2013-10-17
Packaged: 2017-12-29 17:19:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1008027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kandakicksass/pseuds/Kandakicksass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto doesn't know anything. Not how he feels about Sasuke, how he feels about being called out to the middle of the forest of death by said shinobi, or if he's ever going to be okay. There's only one thing he knows with certainty: Sasuke's eyes are the deepest shade of black he's ever seen. Coal black.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you've got me falling away

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are mind. Heavily inspired by Never Leave by Seether and (in a weird way) Far From Home by Five Finger Death Punch. Cross-posted from FF.net and was originally titled "Coal Black."

Coal black.

That was the only thing Naruto could see. A terrible, beautiful coal black. Nothing else on earth was that dark. Nothing. It was wrong, every pore in his body screamed it at him, but the knowledge still didn't clear his head. The knowledge still couldn't purge that startlingly clear image of those eyes.

Sasuke didn't move, he just stood there, watching Naruto with those onyx orbs.

"You came."

Two words, and they made Naruto's body buckle on him like an a first-round genin during the Chunin Exams. Sasuke's voice was as cold as his eyes, almost emotionless, but not quite. It was still as melodious as Naruto remembered, however, and that made him feel sick. It just served to remind him that this unfeeling traitor _was_ the same Uchiha Sasuke, his friend, with whom he had trained with for God knows how long.

"What, did you think I'd ignore your letter?" Naruto managed. He licked his suddenly dry lips, his throat tightening. He swallowed.

Sasuke's eyes never left his, the black a high contrast with his own cerulean blue. After a moment, Sasuke shrugged nonchalantly. "I considered the possibility." He smiled, the expression wry. "After all, what reason would you have for coming to meet your traitor friend in the middle of the Forest of Death?" It was as if he had heard Naruto's earlier thought.

"Yeah, great meeting spot," Naruto muttered sarcastically, trying to regain some of his usual energy and relax himself. Sasuke had called him out here. He wouldn't attempt to kill Naruto without telling him why, would he?

A chill ran down Naruto's spine. _Unless that's_ why _he called me out here._

"It's full of memories," Sasuke agreed casually, his smile not wavering in the slightest. "As I recall, it was right around here… where Orochimaru marked me." Naruto winced at the memory, but Sasuke just shook his head as if clearing his thoughts. "What? Is that a difficult memory to endure?"

"You know the answer to that, you bastard," Naruto said softly. "Why am I here, Sasuke?"

"I just wanted to talk." Too innocent.

"Don't lie to me."

Sasuke's smirk dampened slightly. "You've always known me better than I've known myself, haven't you? I always accused you of not understanding when the truth was, you did. The entire time."

Naruto looked up at him from the root under his left foot that he was examining. Sasuke's eyes were focused on him, much more intense than they had been before.

"Do you remember that day?" he asked suddenly and Naruto just looked at him, his eyes wide, his mouth shut tight. "The day when I was sitting down at the lake, on the pier. And you were walking home from the park."

A light went off in Naruto's head at the same time his internal alarm sounded. This was dangerous conversation. He was talking so casually, but it meant something to both of them. Still, he had to reply, but all Naruto could do was nod. He didn't trust himself to speak.

Sasuke's smile, for a second, softened. "Do you remember that day well? I do. Like yesterday." He paused. "Well, I take that back. I don't remember much of yesterday. The days bleed into each other now." His smile was hard again. "Is it like that for you? Do you remember yesterday, Naruto?"

Naruto didn't know how to respond to that, but in the end, he chose the honest route. "Some days more than others."

Sasuke's lips twitched upward. "Exactly. Do you think today will bleed away, Naruto?"

Naruto couldn't do much more than shake his head. This was definitely not how he expected the meeting to go. He had expected Sasuke to attack him out of the blue, he had expected a fight. He had expected to have to kill his best friend.

But Sasuke didn't make any move to attack him. He was just standing there as if he wasn’t sure what to say.

"I'm glad you remember that day," Sasuke said after another minute of tense silence on Naruto's part. "I would be upset if it was only me."

Naruto cleared his throat, not sure if what he was going to say was right or not. He felt like he was playing a very unstable game. "I was upset when I saw you. You looked angry, too." Sasuke's ghost of a smile widened slightly. "You glared at me."

"Even as children we never got along," was Sasuke's only response, but there was a glint in those black eyes that made Naruto want to run away. It wasn't just the game that was unstable.

Sasuke was unstable.

"I felt better," Naruto finished, hoping that he wasn't going to anger Sasuke. Naruto wasn't sure what he would do if he got angry. "When I saw you. You were just like me. When I walked away, I was smiling."

"Maybe I'm remembering wrong, but as far as I remember, your smile was caused by mine."

He admitted it and now Naruto was out of playing cards. "I guess your smiles always made me smile, too."

Sasuke shrugged again like the were discussing the weather and not something vitally important to their future. It was something they maybe should have discussed long before then. "It's like a domino reflex. Have you ever noticed that? You and I have always been tied together in some strange way. Both tethered to the earth by the same rope."

There was something Naruto was missing about this. He was right—Sasuke had rarely been wrong, after all, and Naruto agreed with what he was saying whole-heartedly—but it was right in a decidedly _wrong_ way. He cleared his throat yet again. "Yeah. You're right." As if he had needed to say it out loud.

"Am I still your friend, Naruto?"

Naruto despaired thinking of how he would answer that. _Was_ there even a right answer? He wasn't so sure.

"I don't know." He didn't know what Sasuke was and wasn't to him anymore. He could remember Sasuke, his friend, and he could remember Sasuke, his enemy. What was he now? They were more than friends. They were tied together, like Sasuke had said. What did that make him?

Then Sasuke was right in front of him and Naruto didn’t move away. He just locked eyes with Sasuke the way the Uchiha obviously wanted him to. "You are vulnerable right now." Sasuke's voice had a strange note in it, but otherwise sounded normal.

Naruto could only agree. He was at Sasuke's mercy.

"Why are you here, Sasuke?" Naruto whispered.

Sasuke didn't answer for a moment while he slid his hands up into Naruto's hair. He froze for a moment until he realized that all Sasuke was doing was removing his hitai-ate. The cloth fell away, covering his eyes for a mere moment before it was wrenched away and sent crashing to the forest floor.

"I'm here for you," he said in an almost robotic voice. "Is that wrong?"

Naruto shook his head. "Why are you here for me? You want to see me? You want to talk to me?"

Sasuke nodded to both. "And more."

"Fight me?" Naruto's fears were coming to light. "Kill me?" His voice sounded forced. Sasuke chuckled without amusement as he shook his head.

"I don't want to fight or kill you, Naruto."

Naruto looked up into his unreadable eyes. "Then what?" He was whispering again.

Without answering, Sasuke leaned down, his eyes open and searching Naruto's, giving him ample time to step back. He didn't.

When Sasuke's lips met his, Naruto didn't know how to react. He wanted to run; he wanted to pull him closer. He wanted to fight; he wanted to submit. He made the unconscious decision to go with the easier route.

Sasuke kissed him lightly, but Naruto didn't deepen it. He returned the kiss, however, unaware of his own conflicting emotions. Something inside of him told him that this had been building up for years, that all of their fighting and anger and hatred was foreplay, contributing factors to their severely unhinged relationship. Another part told him that Sasuke was ruining everything, was straying from the path and pulling him into dodgy, uncharted territory. He wasn't sure which side to go with.

Sasuke's lips were soft and surprisingly moist, unlike Naruto's. He felt his lips burn under Sasuke's, but he didn't move. Instead, he tilted his head and opened his mouth to give Sasuke more access. Sasuke didn't even seem surprised, as if he knew all along that their relationship would come to this.

He licked Naruto's lower lip, his hands, which had previously been resting on Naruto's shoulders, coming around Naruto's sun-kissed body and pulling him close. This satisfied half of him and disgusted the other half.

"Is this okay?"

Naruto wasn't sure how to answer that, but then, he didn't know how to answer anything. He sighed. "It's not like there aren't worse things we could be doing."

He wasn't saying he was okay with it, and Sasuke knew that. But he he'd also pointed out that he'd rather be kissing than fighting.

Sasuke's lips found his again and Naruto sighed again. So Sasuke was going to continue. He didn't blame him; he hadn't said no. He'd practically said yes, in a roundabout way.

Naruto decided that while he knew he was going to be submissive, he knew where this was going and he wasn't going to sit around and beat around the bush. If they were going to do this, then they would do it.

He forced his hands to the hem of Sasuke's plain black shirt. He had noted earlier how strange it was that Sasuke had donned a very common shinobi outfit instead of his usual clothes, but then, he didn't seem to want to make this visit related to Orochimaru in any way. From what Naruto could tell, it was more about their relationship and childhood than anything else.

Sasuke broke the kiss without a question and raised his arms, letting Naruto pull it over his head. He kept his arms raised while Naruto rid him of the fishnet undershirt, as well. When the bothersome shirts were out of the way, he lowered his arms again.

Sasuke had a beautiful body. Naruto, even as a pre-teen, had been able to recognize that. It was all strong muscles and hard angles, pale as sheet, just like the rest of him. He didn't know if he loved Sasuke or even liked him, but the man looked like a god. Maybe he was a god. Naruto didn't know, and wasn't sure if he would worship him even if he was, but then again, it wasn't like it mattered anymore. It didn't.

Sasuke silently, his eyes burning, unzipped Naruto's jacket and helped Naruto shrug out of it. As Sasuke rid him of his own fishnet undershirt, he slid his hands under it, feeling the stony abdominal muscles that Naruto had developed over their years of absence. He had lost all of his baby fat and was now as much of a man as Sasuke himself was.

Naruto lifted his own arms and when Sasuke tossed the shirt aside, Naruto undid the snap of his loose orange pants. They fell low on his hips and Sasuke, dropping a kiss onto Naruto's shoulder, unzipped them.

Naruto had known that Sasuke wouldn't be surprised that he wore nothing underneath the familiar orange capris he had donned his whole life, and he wasn't surprised to find that Sasuke had too gone commando.

Naruto leaned down to pull his zori off and kicked his pants off as well. Sasuke did the same and when they were both completely exposed, they kissed again, flush against each other. Neither felt uncomfortable or awkward being so naked and so close. It was as if they did this often, they were so secure in each other's arms. They treated each other with a familiarity and maturity that they had lacked during their last meeting.

Sasuke lowered himself to his knees as the kiss became more heated and Naruto's arousal had manifested itself in a very unusual way for him. He seemed like a normal, lecherous teenager, but other than the typical bouts of sexuality he had felt during puberty, he was almost _abnormally_ apathetic toward his sex drive until that moment on the ground with Sasuke.

Sasuke was already rock hard and Naruto sat himself just above the length that pressed itself against his backside, leaning down to continue the kiss.

"Preparation?" Sasuke asked in a quiet voice. Naruto shook his head.

"No. I want it to hurt." Like so much else. If it didn't hurt, how would Naruto know it was real? The whole situation seemed unreal already.

Sasuke nodded, pressing another soft kiss to Naruto's swollen lips, and with hands on the blonde's hips, pushed Naruto's twitching entrance down onto the head of his erection.

Naruto closed his eyes, anticipating the pain. He was by no means a masochist, but he had no idea how to be with Sasuke without it hurting. That said, he wanted it to hurt. Just so he could be sure they were really together.

Naruto could feel the hurt coming on as the first inch of Sasuke was swallowed by his body. He felt hot and out of his depth, but he didn't pull away. He didn't back out. Sasuke eased himself upward and when he was fully sheathed inside Naruto, who was holding back pained tears, he rolled gently, putting himself on top of Naruto.

Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke's neck, biting his lips as Sasuke, staying close to his body, moved within him, sliding in and out. On an awkward thrust in a different angle, he managed to hit the small bundle of nerves inside Naruto's body that made him cry out for the first time and he bit down on Sasuke's shoulder to stifle the sound.

Both Naruto and Sasuke didn't last long. When Naruto, after at least two minutes, found he couldn't take it any more and wrapped his hand around his own weeping erection, Sasuke sped up, slamming their lips together desperately, as if he were scared of the end. After all, who knew what would happen when their bodies became two again? Who knew if their shaky understanding would dissipate?

But all things must end and Naruto came, tears in his eyes. Only one escaped, but Sasuke kissed it away just before he came with clenched teeth and a strangled moan. Naruto's body had clamped down on his cock with muscles that Naruto wasn't even aware he had.

When Sasuke pulled out, he collapsed onto Naruto, nearly suffocating him, while they panted their exertion. After Sasuke found he could breath again, he moved so he was laying down next to Naruto in a way that resulted without them touching at all. Naruto knew what he was doing—trying to give the blonde some space that he probably needed—but Naruto wasn't going to go for it. Sasuke would disappear again, and Naruto would hate himself if he didn't do what he could now.

So he moved, ignoring the soreness, and laid himself across Sasuke's body, resting his head against his chest, and curled up there, his knees digging into Sasuke's side. The raven-haired shinobi didn't complain. He wrapped his arms around Naruto instead, tracing figure eights on his spine, just above the small of his back.

He didn't feel right in Sasuke's arms. To be honest, he almost felt wrong, but at the same time he didn't know anything else. If there was another way to _be_ at that moment, he didn't know of it.

He laid there, on top of the gently breathing male he could no longer give a name to—lover? Friend?—and closed his eyes. He didn't know what would happen when he opened them. He didn't know if Sasuke would stay or go, or whether he would suddenly miraculously find that he loved Sasuke when he woke.

All he knew was the up and down motion of the chest that lulled him to sleep.

***

When Naruto returned to Konoha, he returned alone. Sakura was the first to see him and the agonized look in her expressive teal eyes made Naruto think that she knew exactly where he'd been and with whom. He said not a word to her as he passed, and she didn't say anything either, but watched him as he walked toward his small apartment in a way that made obvious his emptiness.

No doubt Sakura had understood right away. He felt sick as he entered his apartment, and sicker still when he collapsed onto his bed, alone and cold. He stared at the wall, loosing interest in anything else. He didn't know if he had anything to do and didn't care. He just stared at the wall for what seemed like hours until his stomach made a loud, angry sound.

It woke him up, reminded him that he had a life and that he couldn't just lay in bed and wallow in his depression. But as he moved to get something to eat, he heard the rustle of paper under his pillow. Bewildered, he reached under the white pillow with one tanned hand and pulled out a note in a very familiar, heartbreaking scrawl.

_Naruto,_

_I read somewhere that 'I love you in this way because I know no other way of loving but this, where there is no I, or you, so close that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so close that as I fall asleep, it is your eyes that close'. I felt that way tonight. I will come back, Naruto, and I expect you to be waiting for me._

_Sasuke._

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Naruto looked down at the note with a dumbfounded expression.

_Love? Is that what this is?_

He still wasn't sure. Maybe Sasuke was delusional, or maybe Naruto was. Maybe he just craved whatever he could from the one person that mattered more to him than all others. It was true that Sasuke's existence in Naruto's heart was larger than everyone else's. Why, or in what way, he didn't know.

He could feel the tears in his eyes, the tears that fell and stained the little piece of paper in his hands. He didn't know why he was crying. He only knew one thing. Only one.

He knew only those eyes, still ingrained in his memory. Such dark eyes, no longer cold, but still black.

Coal black.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, that line is from a Pablo Neruda poem. I'm not going to change it, but I will give the disclaimer that I obviously don't own it.


End file.
